Thursday, 14 February 2013

Dear Dave... A break up letter from Nick

Dear Dave,

This may seem cold hearted to do this on Valentine's day and to do it by letter but it must be done.

We need to talk...

Our marriage has been in trouble for sometime and neither of us have been willing to talk about it. Things needed addressing some two years ago but we fooled ourselves by looking at other things and papered over the cracks.

I remember those heady days in the Rose garden, that summer sun full of promise - we were going to change the world together, make things fairer, greener and more democratic. Things have swiftly gone wrong.

I feel like I'm constantly giving and you taking. I've given income tax back, capped elderly care, pupil premium, scrapped those nasty ID cards but you have changed welfare taking back what I've done, ATOS, welfare reform, cuts cuts cuts... I just feel we no longer share the same interests.

Then of course there's your ex, George. I know you guys were close before the election but... You constantly take his side and I feel you don't listen to me - I gave up Vince for you, why won't you reciprocate?

I know there are many of your friends who snigger at me behind my back and there are some who actively despise me. There are times you can be down right rude about me in front of Ed and his lot to make yourself look big at my expense! It's not on, we're supposed to be partners.

Which brings me to your betrayal over the lords reform - I thought you'd at least abstain, I broke my pledge on tuition, it is the least you could of done.

Any way, I just don't think this can carry on any more. We're clearly different people with different aims in our political lives. We've tried to make it work and I will look back fondly on our time together. I will always remember the good things that we have achieved together rather than dwell on the past. We will always have the rose garden.

I wish you well




  1. That's very poor English for one supposedly well-educated as Nick. "Neither of us have"? (for one example of several) - an obvious singular/plural confusion.

    I have a feeling this is a fake, y'know! :o)

    1. All I'll say is Westminster college is not Eaton and King Alfred's college is not Westminster ;-)