Monday, 2 July 2012

The Real reson we have a deficit

Lord Mandelson's Deathstar?
The other night, all round Twitter Good guy John Ward (@john_m_ward) sent me a link with the financial break down of how much it would cost to build a Deathstar battle station.

As a Star Wars nerd I found this amazing, but it got me to thinking about something the controversial comedian Frankie Boyle once said. I cannot quote him word for word but on Mock the Week it was suggested that Lord Peter Mandelson was so evil that he was visiting his family in Mordor... No hang on that was something different... it was something about him being a Lord so he could build his own Deathstar.

Looking at the cost, the true evil of Peter Mandelson as well as the obvious need of the Labour Government for a floating battle station with enough power to destroy a planet (or at least make a country uninhabitable with a concentrated blast).

Where did they get the plans from Chris - Emperor Palpatine?

Don't be silly.

As much as it pains me to admit, the Star Wars universe is f-... is f-... It is too far to communicate with.

However after the Starship Enterprise (A,B,C,D and E), the Millennium Falcon, and TARDIS, the Deathstar's technical readouts are all over the internet and in every Star Wars geek's collection. Hell I've had it since I was 14!

Death Star Schematics from a swift Google search
So why do Labour need a Deathstar?

Well, think about it... Its a long shot but hold onto this...

What would not only generate British Business and production and provide massive employment before and after completion?

What could solve the housing crisis without building on Green spaces?

Also, think of this... Imagine the power Bob Crow and his lackeys at the RMT or Mark Sewotka at PCS would have over other groups for pay negotiations.

However the deficit is mere billions the Deathstar in your website costs vast amounts more.

Ok, you've got me there and then my mind turned to another movie; Superman III the one with Richard Prior.

For those of you haven't watched as many movies as me basically Richard Prior comes up with a scheme to get rich quick. You know when banks work out interest etc. and it goes to 10 decimal points well that all disappears, or does it? A clever accountant/hacker could harvest it and put it in a high interest account. Think how much money that would generate over a 13 year administration!

My mind also went to the movie Independence Day where Geoff Goldblum's father says something along the lines of;

What you think it costs them $50 for a hammer, $200s for a toilet seat do you?

How many MPs put sundries on their expenses and fed the money into the fund? How many claimed expenses on a Duck house or wooden spoon but still paid for it themselves but put the claimed money into the Deathstar fund?

The big worry for the Labour party at the moment is that the Liberal Democrat's are obviously against all kinds of Weapons of mass destruction and the monopoly of the State in this and could you imagine the furore if we ever had to look at firing the damn super weapon? The focus groups, the splits, the Parliamentary group vs. the Grass roots at Conference, the surveys, Social Libdem forum having a say against the Orange bookers... it'd be madness! The Tories will want to Privatise it, in which case we're all doomed - Could you imagine Southeastern trains running it?

This is an important announcement... All lifts to the Southern Hemisphere have been cancelled as the whole bottom half of the station has fallen off.
Or worse yet, Baroness Warsi might use it... Or Boris...

What was that Bob... another tube strike? Bugger that! Commence Primary ignition What?

The big question is... was it completed? Is it in a state that Deathstar II was in Return of the Jedi, half complete, half skeletal or is it hiding behind the moon somewhere.

Or more to the point - I'm just joshing with you!

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